I am planting my very first garden this spring.

"I will only say this, out of a background of factories, park benches, two-bit jobs, bad women, bad weather of Life---the reason the average person is at the track is that they are driven screwy by the turn of the bolt, the foreman's insane face, the landlord's hand, the lover's dead sex; taxation, cancer, the blues; clothes that fall apart on a 3rd wearing, water that tastes like piss, doctors that run assembly line and indecent offices, hospitals without heart, politicians with skulls filled with pus....we can go on and on but would only be accused of being bitter and demented, but the world makes madmen (and women) of us all, and even the saints are demented, nothing is saved. so shit. well." -Bukowski, Notes of a dirty old man

born like this
into this
as the chalk faces smile
as Mrs. Death laughs
as the elevators break
as political landscapes dissolve
as the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
as the oily fish spit out their oily prey
as the sun is masked

we are
born like this
into this
into these carefully mad wars
into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
into bars where people no longer speak to each other
into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings

born into this
into hospitals which are so expensive that it's cheaper to die
into lawyers who charge so much it's cheaper to plead guilty
into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes

born into this
walking and living through this
dying because of this
muted because of this
castrated
debauched
disinherited
because of this
fooled by this
used by this
pissed on by this
made crazy and sick by this
made violent
made inhuman
by this

the heart is blackened
the fingers reach for the throat
the gun
the knife
the bomb
the fingers reach toward an unresponsive god

the fingers reach for the bottle
the pill
the powder

we are born into this sorrowful deadliness
we are born into a government 60 years in debt
that soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
and the banks will burn
money will be useless
there will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
it will be guns and roving mobs
land will be useless
food will become a diminishing return
nuclear power will be taken over by the many
explosions will continually shake the earth
radiated robot men will stalk each other
the rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante's Inferno will be made to look like a children's playground

the sun will not be seen and it will always be night
trees will die
all vegetation will die
radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
the sea will be poisoned
the lakes and rivers will vanish
rain will be the new gold

the rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind

the last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases

and the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
the petering out of supplies
the natural effect of general decay

and there will be the most beautiful silence never heard

born out of that

the sun still hidden there

awaiting the next chapter

LIL'S DANCE

Things we notice.

-- She makes a sour face.

-- She walks in place.

-- She puts one hand in her pocket and makes a fist with the other.

-- While she is doing this, she blinks with both eyes.

-- She is wearing a red wig.


SHE'S MY MOTHER'S SISTER'S GIRL.

old lady who goes to darwin festival every year was wearing leopard and i thought, aw maybe that will be me in 50 years. AW.

I've been awake for hours in intense thought over the Vietnam war. Horror. All wars specifically, the fact that thousands of years of wars will never ever prevent thousands more. All those people, all those people, all those people. I cannot stop thinking about the absolute horror. We are the ultimate species of destruction, of ourselves, of our planet, of all other species we are supposed to live among. These awful, awful things we have the ability to accomplish. The suffering of all those people. I am so fortunate. I walk around naive to it and I am rarely naive about how this world works, how we work. But I will never understand such things as this. Naivety is the only way to deal? Is it all there is to cope with such thoughts of what occurs? I have stayed awake nights since I was a child, a child that thought too much and couldn't shut her mind off. Insomnia never came from happy thoughts. When I do this now, and it doesn't happen as often anymore, it is really bizarre. I have shut out and repressed so much in order to leave my bed in the morning sometimes I feel that I conditioned myself to not think all night. Sometimes something just hits me and I cannot let go of it. What a tool. What we use it for. “We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”--Proust









I like the trees, you know? I like the way that the trees are on mountains, all the different... the way the trees are.

Days are low and comical.